Monday, June 6, 2011

bleeding heart

A couple of weeks ago I felt a lot like this bleeding heart, dripping my sadness and frustration everywhere I went. There was nothing to blame -

             no crisis
                 no sleepless night,

simply a sad feeling inside...

                                                                          a feeling of not being
                                  good enough.

Not a good enough mom,
            not a good enough wife,
  not a good enough friend, sister, daughter, artist... and the list went on and on and on

I looked around and all I saw was everyone being better than me, doing more than me,having way more success than me - looking like they have it ALL together. My self worth was being measured by what everyone else is up to and how I compare to that. How fast they lost the baby weight, how quickly their blogs became a success, how well behaved their children are.

And there I was, a house terribly messy, children throwing tantrums left and right, baby weight stuck (even though it's been a year!), a blog and shop in it's beginning stages that simply doesn't even compare to the beautiful ones out there...

           and I started feeling hopeless and 

                   sad and pretty much like my

                       heart was aching....

BUT you know the neat thing about this plant.

It is a fighter! 

For three years it came up and died right away because the bed it was planted in was too HOT,

                     the environment too harsh.

And yet every year it came back and tried to grow again. It wasn't until I replanted it into nourishing soil with a shady protection that it started to flourish.

And so I can look elsewhere for my worthiness and plant my roots somewhere nourishing and rest my head somewhere protected. Instead of looking around me to see if I'm good enough, I'll start looking above me, to my God in heaven. 

A God who decided to create me, flaws and all.

A God who doesn't make mistakes
A God that knits us together in our mother's wombs

A God that loves us with a love that can't be measured, before we even love HIM

A God that gave each one of us a unique set of talents and gifts to enjoy here on earth

A God that says I'm good enough,

                                                           fearlessly and wonderfully made.

And if a God who created everything says that about us, who are we to argue! 

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